Studying Acting and Community Theatre at East 15 acting school. I'll probably talk alot about Southend On Sea and being a geordie girl taking on essex. snogs for you all.
3 days back in Newcastle and I’m having seaside cravings.
I wanted to do some yoga so badly I made my cat stretch with me. She could do downward dog but struggled with her warrior 2.
In all honesty, I need a break from school, badly. I was starting to get worn down by the constant analysis and criticisms, but I suppose that’s just what drama school is, right?
I miss the people, I miss being literally a minute away from such a big collection of all my favourite people. I had to watch a film on my own last night. I mean HAD to because there was noone around! I forgot how good it was to lock yourself away, alone, on purpose. Most of my friends at home are either still at college this week or still away at uni, so it’s all sort of a waiting game.
Me and Dora (Dora goes to Mountview studying musical theatre, known her since she was 11 and she has lived in London for the past 3 years pretty much but I still love her to bits, shes jew-ISH.. geddit??) got the train home from London together, which was beautiful. We got to catch up for 4 straight hours and ate a ridiculous amount of food and drank cocktails. We held hands in christmassy excitement as we went over the tyne bridge!
Then Amber (ginger Amber, studying fashion and business at college, i miss her lots when I’m away) came round to mine with Christmas biscuits and we caught up for a couple of hours. Then is the really good part, I WENT TO BORN IN THE 80’s AT DIGITAL. fuck, i have missed cheap nights out, i mean southend you’re okay, but fuck i had fun taking the piss out of the twatty students, who seem to be so much more annoying in Newcastle than in any other city? ya know? and was very drunk on pink fizzy wine and cheap white wine that we snuck into digital.. I’ve spent the past couple of days not doing much and not showering/getting changed out of my pyjamas. Tomorow will be more productive, honest.
Bambi is jetsetting in Berlin, which I am insanely jealous of, I hope she brings back nice chocolate or sausage or something.
Lucy just text me telling her that her super cool hip bristol friends said the picture of me she has in her purse was hot! awwww, my ego.
I skyped with DJ last night and i miss him and his custard creams so much, I am going to the wirrell for new years eve hopefully, he is having to sort out all the shit in his house so he can sell it and that is so much work and i love him lots. he really is one of the strongest people i’ve ever encountered and he still has time to look after me when i am an emotional mess. His friend came in the room when we were skyping and DJ said ‘it’s roisin.. you know.. ROISIN.. we talked about.. the one who… you knowww! Roisin! yeaahh that one’ WHAT DOES THAT MEAN DJ?!?! IS THAT GOOD? I’m like fairly sure DJ has a positive opinion on me so I’m kind of hoping that it is a good thing. His friend seemed nice anyway, and had a second name that sounded like elephant so maybe I’ll marry him.This was a babbly post. Maybe I’ll post the story of my first anxiety attack soon. If anyone would be interested in that?Snogs for everyone xx PS. how weird is it that one whole year ago I was learning my monologues for my first auditions? jesus.
wow. last sunday before i finish my FIRST TERM AT DRAMA SCHOOL. it doesn’t seem real, i’m sure we only started maybe 2 weeks ago at most.
next week we have priority week, which is just a week of intense study on one subject, we do acting in our priority weeks but physical theatre do grotovski and corporal mime (is that how they are spelt? i know nothing about physical theatre but i do know they get very sweaty and smelly).
talking of physical theatres, i am in love with the physie girls. (by the wayphysical theatre = physies, community theatre (me) = commies, world performance = worldies and little old stage combats are just the combats). the people i think i have clicked with the most have been my physie girls.. Lucy, started stalking me a month or so ago and i havent gone a day without her. Bambi, the best dressed essex girl i’ve ever seen. Daisy, from plymouth and fucking mental. LJ, who I have the worlds biggest girl crush on. My little Jane, she’s a commie and i love her to bits, who knew a girl that small could have such a burp! and definately others who I just have forgotten to mention..
I am so incredibly glad I’ve met some girls here who I love to bits, because as much as I am a lads girl, I NEED my girls in my life.
At the beginning of the term, they told us ‘you won’t be able to put one foot in front of the other by Christmas time’ and i laughed it off and thought ‘yeah yeah whatever, I will be fine.’ I AM NOT FINE. I am having the time of my fucking life but also having a small mental breakdown at the same time.
We have movement on a thursday morning, and Steph our american, mental, tiny but could lift someone twice her size teacher called me out for not being able to let go, and thinking too much and not being able to be touched by other people (my newly discovered intimacy issues, cheers to east 15 for being like fucking horrible therapy) and so I waited behind to say i was sorry and i was trying but i found it really hard and then accidentally broke down and started crying and she was hugging me and i don’t really know what happened or how it happened. And then that night, I was sat in DJ’s room (I’ll tell you about DJ later) with Lucy (my bristol stalker) and started having an anxiety attack over literally nothing, I ran upstairs to my room mid conversation and didn’t recognize myself in the mirror. I ended up staying at DJ’s on the spare mattress because I could not have been alone that night.
So I am a bit of a mess at the moment, I think all I need is a few weeks at home with things that are familiar, but who knows, maybe this blog will document my journey from sanity to a complete mental mess.
love you lots.
x